Thoughts for the end of the year

And so the year is coming to an end. For us teachers, the signal of the end of the year is represented by being called back to school for meetings (& more meetings & even more meetings). Hurhurhur.

The past couple of days have been a little bit draining (to say the least) to this brain of mine that has not been working that hard (ok, not working at all) for the past month or so. May i clarify, brain has not been working ONLY with regards to school matters. The brain though has been on overdrive for some other matters which is best not to mention. LOL.

Honestly, i'm kinda excited (got my form class, & my subject classes as well as my responsibilities for the various departments) but at the same time a bit overwhelmed by everything. It doesn't help that miss red riding hood is currently visiting, hence the feeling of wanting to smile but cry at the same time is making me all confused & very unsure of what i am supposed to feel actually.

I hate worrying about not being able to keep up or not doing the best of my capabilities or not sure of what to do or what not to do. I should stop i know. School has not even started & i'm worrying like crazy. Worrying about things that might not even happen. GAH!

Worry less, pray more eh please Cikgu Nor. Advice people pandai, when comes to diri sendiri, all the advices sendiri lupa. Chet.

But as i always say, baby steps eh?

Pray for me dear friends, & readers. May 2012 be a smooth-sailing one for us, but even if it's not, may we be given the strength & patience to overcome what God has decreed for us. Afterall, things will only befall you because He allows it to happen. And things He does not allow, will not happen at all. :)

With that, enjoy the remaining of your holidays my fellow teacher comrades. Even if you are not teachers, do make the best of the long NEW YEAR holidays. Spend it with your loved ones. Tell them you love them, spend time with them & most of all ALWAYS appreciate them, for everything that they have done for you.

HAPPY (advanced) 2012.

be kind. always.

"Always be kind,

for everyone is fighting a hard battle."

- Plato -

(via uponafairytale)

i like to ride my bicycle, i like to ride my bike

(via uponafairytale)

just finds this picture really, really cute for some reason.

teehee. ;)

because he loves you

(via weheartit)

"For despite what some people say,

love is not only a sweet feeling bound to come and quickly go away."

- Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love -

Love, 

something that stays with you,

even if you try so hard to make it go away.

# side-track #

nak husband macam gini jugak please.. 

yang will layan-layan all my want-to-take-picture-here-there-everywhere nonsense. Yes, even when he thinks it's nonsense, he will still layan me because he loves me like that. hehehe. boleh gitu?
boleh please? *shows cute, mentel face*

at the rate i'm going, with all the nonsense things i want in a husband, i wonder who will want to marry me.
LOL!

the river or the lake

"Between your fingers you hold a stone and throw it into flowing water. The effect might not be easy to see. There will be a small ripple where the stone breaks the surface and then a splash, muffled by the rush of the surrounding river. That's all.

Throw a stone into a lake. The effect will be not only visible but also far more lasting. The stone will disrupt the still waters. A circle will form where the stone hit the water, and in a flash that circle will multiply into another, then another. Before long the ripples caused by one plop will expand until they can be felt everywhere along the mirrored surface of the water. Only when the circles reach the shore will they stop and die out.

If a stone hits a river, the river will treat it as yet another commotion in its already tumultuous course. Nothing unusual. Nothing unmanageable.

If a stone hits a lake, however, 
the lake will never be the same again."

- Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love -

if you know me really well, 
you will know which water body i am 

and then you will truly understand, 
why i am the way i am.

i was made that way.
please have heart?

we always have a choice - to stay or to go

(via letmeloveyou)

if i push you away,

will

you

choose

to

stay?

falling, one more time

"sometimes two people have to fall apart

to realize how much they need to fall back together."

(via uponafairytale)

i hide my pain so well, i surprise even myself when it hurts.

(via weheartit)

sometimes i wish this heart doesn't hurt easily.

but they always say - "be careful what you wish for."

i guess i should be thankful i hurt easily, cos it means i'm capable of loving that much. but it also means people are capable of hurting me as much. you can never have everything can you.

dear heart, please stop hurting. please, i ask of you.

this is only the hurt part. i have yet to start on the trust part. sigh.
i guess when i stop hurting, that's when i'll start trusting again.

as much as i'm hurting, i will fight for the promises i made. or will i be left with no more energy to fight?
i guess only time will tell.

"not all scars show,

not all wounds heal."


but that's the sad me talking.

the optimistic me will say,
"what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger."

and i have always been optimistic like that. i am made this way.
so yes, i am stronger & hopefully wiser (after turning 18 a few days ago). hehehehehe.
because after all, not only i hurt, i do hurt people too (hmmm, probably it's my karma yes for hurting people's feelings whether i realise it or not. then again, it might be another of God's test for me). 
whatever it is, it's a cycle. part & parcel of life.
so i shall be a man woman & suck it up. hehe.

and at the end of the day,
i leave it to fate & God.
He knows best. :)

and psst, wanna know a secret?
the thing is, not only my heart hurts, the head is hurting too. all because i banged my forehead into the side of the bed when i woke up this morning. and it's hurting like crazy. ouch.
oh well, the perks of being so clumsy. O.o
hurhur.

No one intends to cause pain

(via uponafairytale)

hence, the best thing to do is to manage the thing that you are in control of - in this case, your emotions - and learn to let go.

only then, insyaAllah, everything else will fall into place & you will find your peace.

Sesungguhnya, aku berbual so macam paham!!! HAHAHA! 

but i guess the least we can do is try? Afterall, no one intends to cause anyone else pain (unless they are sadistic like that) much less want pain inflicted upon themselves.

Bazinga!

"i cry because others are stupid and it makes me sad."

- Dr. Sheldon Cooper -

(via fyeahbigbangtheory)

hehehe. because he is just so funny like that. (i mean, fans of the big bang theory will understand.. ;p) 

watching him (& leonard, & wolowitz, & raj) never fail to make me laugh out loud. He has got to be my most favourite character on the show. :)

i tried watching the show once while on the bus (boy, was it hard to control myself.. cos, i can't laugh out loud in the bus! hahaha!) & i never, ever dared to watch it again, lest people around me thought i was crazy, smiling to myself. hurhur.

so i have my dates with dr. sheldon cooper confined to home. Lol!

felt like the longest time

"such an empty space when you are gone."

(via icanread)

she said: i thought you forgot.

he replied: i didn't forget.. never will.

and with that she started her 28th with tears,

& a smile on her face.

:')

so hug me and tell me all will be fine

worried.

that i might not take tomorrow as well as i should/would.

seeking solace in the fact that tomorrow is actually a very nice date.

13.12.11

happy with small little things like this. teehee.

no one else

(because i remember the surprise twirls)

And everytime i try to take a step back,

i find myself coming back,

only to you.

It's as if the heart already knew,

that it will always be you.

a smile on my face

(via uponafairytale)

MasyaAllah, comelnya ini anak! Hehehe.

the moment i saw her face, i immediately let out a small giggle. Hehe. Too too cute!

Definitely made me feel better after last night's emo moments.

I guess, it really doesn't take a lot to make me happy.

I'm easy to please like that.

:))

will continue to be strong

there are times like tonight,

when the tears feel like flowing,

and there's nothing i can do to stop it.

"People cry not because they're weak,

it's because they've been strong for too long."

(via weheartit)

dear Allah, please keep me strong for a while more.

please i ask of You.

why should we?

 “The people who were trying to make this world worse are not taking the day off. 
Why should I?”

- Bob Marley -

second chances

(via uponafairytale)

in other words, "would you date/marry yourself?"

can't remember when i first came across this question, but subsequently it made me ponder upon it, question myself & start looking at my own flaws. And were there many flaws. Do forgive me. :((

(dulu rasakan diri ni macam baik sangat, sigh.. but not too late i hope.)

It made me realised that it's not other people who has to change. It's me. I was so busy focusing on other people's flaws just so that i can escape my own.

And alhamdulillah, i won't say that i've improved all parts of my life but certain aspects, probably. Certain characteristics, i think so. Or at least i hope so. Even then, there are still many flaws to be reviewed upon.

I do have a long way to go (sometimes i do falter & forget), but whatever it is, do bear with me & these flaws of mine as i continue on this journey to be a better person to myself & to those around me (especially the ones i love).

insyaAllah.

:)

forgive though you've been hurt

"I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they are going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I've learned that it's not what you have in your life but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned that you should never ruin an apology with an excuse."

- anonymous -

(via littlemiss)

wanna grow old beside you

(via sweetstuffcalledlove)

aiyo! so sweet nak pengsan please!
:)) 

siapa nak grow old beside me? angkat tangan!
*mentel mode tak tentu pasal*
hahaha..

Yuna - Deeper Conversation

Is your favourite colour blue?
Do you always tell the truth?
Do you believe in outerspace?
And I'm learning you

Is your skin as tanned as mine?
Does your hair flow sideways?
Did someone took a portion of your heart?
And I'm learning you

And if you don't mind
Can you tell me
All your hopes and fears
And Everything that you believe in
Would you make a difference in the world
I'd love for you to take me to a deeper conversation
Only you can make me

I let my guard down for you
And in time you will too
In time, we will. InsyaAllah. :)

Dear December

(via weheartit)

Hello December.

November has been good to me thus far, please be good to me too.

I'm counting on you. Don't disappoint me dear December.

hugs and kisses

(via weheartit)

I want a hug from you.
Like one of those pick-me-up-off-my-feet-squeeze-me-tight-hurts-my-tummy-but-makes-me-smile-leaves-me-breathless-gives-me-so-many-butterflies-it-makes-me-laugh kind of hug.
Just like the above.

yes please. hee~

We'll start with forever.

(via weheartit)

"No measure of time with you will be long enough.

But we'll start with forever."

- Edward Cullen -

of shoes. sun. rain. wedding. sweet & salty popcorn. breaking dawn. endless teasing.

Memories of yesterday will be etched in memory.

:))

Everyday is a new day.

(via icanread)

1 Muharram 1433H

Alhamdulillah, Allah is Just & Fair.

A year ago, I was celebrating Muharram with tears in my eyes & a very heavy heart. It definitely felt like I would never be happy again. I surrender myself to Him & Him alone. Pasrah was the word.

Never would I have thought that a year later, these feelings would be looked upon as lessons from the past. Never would I have thought that this year, everything will turn itself around.

This year, despite with Miss Red Riding Hood coming to visit, I feel a sense of calm & acceptance. That now I know every single thing happens for a reason. That everything happened so that I can learn from it & (try) not to make the same mistakes again. That things happened so that I can find myself again & know what it is I'm doing & where I'm going with my life.

Though there are still uncertainties, I know I'll be fine eventually. We'll all be fine. We just have to have faith. And also cos, I'm optimistic like that. :)

Allah is All-Knowing. Syukur ya Rabb.

Salam Maal Hijrah to all my friends & readers. 

May this Muharram, the start of the Islamic year, brings you peace & joy like how it did me. May you find what it is that you are looking for & always know that despite everything, despite everyone, 
Allah will always be there for you. :)

p/s Looking forward to tomorrow! ;)

found our way back

(via weheartit)

Despite whatever both have been through,

despite the obstacles & challenges faced,
despite the blunders & mistakes made,

despite all the tears & regrets,

anger & sadness,

"If two people are meant to be together, eventually they'll find their way back."

:')

dear heart,

"The heart has reasons that reason does not understand."

- Jacques Benigne Bossuel -

(via icanread)

dear heart,

i trust you.

please be nice.

you are the reason why

(via uponafairytale)

he knew that ‘i love you’ also means ‘i love you more than anyone loves you, or had loved you, or will love you,’ and also, ‘i love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you,’ and also, ‘i love you in a way that i love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.’

so, what does your 'i ♥ you' mean?
;)

tell it well

(via icanread)

so that you may be understood.

this is why hugs are invented

(via uponafairytale)

this is why i love hugging you.

till we meet again

(via weheartit)

oh, the things i'd do just to have you here.
for the most part, i was actually ok.

but now, me is not liking the distance very much.

:/

Kaaba then & now

The Kaaba in 1910.

(via islamic-quotes)

The Kaaba now.

subhanallah.

always been

"Because for me, it’s always been you. Always. 

And I’ve tried to fight it and I’ve tried to deny it. But I can’t. 

You’re undeniable."

(via uponafairytale)

appreciate what we do have

(via weheartit)

but sometimes we have to let go to appreciate what there is to hold on to.

Allah is the best of planners; continued

so, for my dear readers who happen to stumble upon yesterday's entry would know that my day yesterday ended off on an awesome note. alhamdulillah. :)

what started off as an oh-so-emotional day (no surprises there, november is a melancholic month for me), ended with dearest cuzzie, Nadiah asking me to tag along to her ustaz's class.

it all started with her sending me an image of Barney Stinson (shall not elaborate on him today.. if you watch himym you should know.. shall not elaborate on himym also.. see, i always digress on nonsense things like this) & how he is getting more awesome despite everything else.

and then me replying to her on how emotional i am at that point of time because of something not-so-important but at the same time not-really-that-irrational (to me). am very thankful she understands this nonsensical emotional roller-coaster ride that i have at times. *hugs*

to cut the story short, the watsapp conversation ended with her asking me to join her for class @ al-falah after maghrib. and i agreed since i have nothing on at night & the class sounds interesting -- "The 10 Promised Paradise."

the moment i stepped into the class, the first thing that struck me was why were there so many Chinese people in this class. somehow it did not strike my mind at that point of time that Muslim converts comes from all races.
(this is what happens when you always go to classes full of makciks & pakciks.. 
you start to think that orang Islam = orang Melayu.. hahahahahaha)

so yes, i was in awe really to be surrounded by these converts. honestly, i would love to know each & every one of their story. what made them convert to Islam? how did they find Islam? was it challenging being a non-Malay Muslim? etc etc etc. you get my drift.

so these questions were just playing at the back of my head as i listened to the ustaz's presentation. my full concentration was on him, until someone diagonally behind me said something & i swiveled my head to look at that direction & noticed a guy with his whole left arm covered with tattoos (!)

and at that exact moment, pride & awe overcame me. this guy, with an arm full of tattoos (!) is attending this class!

(ermmm, you can say that i was a bit jakun la actually.. as i said my class always full of makciks & pakciks hence to get such a vibrant class is a bit overwhelming i might say.. hehehe)

so yes, once i got over myself, i managed to continue listening to ustaz's presentation.. he presents in English by the way, but of course. and this was the other (little) problem i had as i am very much used to other ustaz presenting in either Malay or Bahasa Indonesia.. i literally had to translate (in my head of course) some of the things he was saying to the Malay language.. hahaha..  
very kental i know!!!

like for example, caliphates = khalifahs, shroud = kain kafan, and then there's forbearance, magnanimity, emoluments & well, you get the idea.. hehe.. maklumlah, cikgu Melayu.. ;p

so yes, all in all it was really an awesome experience to say the least. :)

and something happened too (right after cuzzie asked me along) which made her said,

"alhamdulillah, see better things happen when we decide to do good things for ourselves :D"

so to you, i wanna thank you too for making my day with that sweet (but cheeky) message of yours. good luck with the making of the video montage. i miss you today.
(and who this person is? that, i shall not say, for now. hehe.)

to end this off, again i reiterate.. Allah IS indeed the BEST of all planners. :))

Allah is the best of planners

(via thesunalwayssets)

sometimes, we just need something to happen to be reminded of God's grand scheme of things.
After all, He is the best of planners. (Surah Al-e'Imran, Ayat 54)

like for me, today happened.

and i'm still delirious from the awesomeness of it all. syukur alhamdulillah. :))

story will have to wait till tomorrow.
for now, this lady needs her sleep.

toodles everyone!

be persistent in doing the things He loves

"If you desire Allah to be persistent in granting you the thing you love, be persistent in doing the things He loves."


- Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal -

(via thebeautyofislam)

need to remind myself time & again.

again & again & again.
:(

i will always love you

Was with a galfriend, Sri @ PaperChase yesterday & the store was playing (my favourite) Adele's whole album. I was of course enjoying myself browsing the stationeries (those who know me will know how much I love these kind of shops) and deciding on a personal organiser for 2012 (of course as usual I ended up not buying any at the store because of their ridiculous prices). So anyway, that's not the story.

While browsing, a (very, very) familiar song played in the store (apparently, Adele did an acoustic cover of the song & it's in her album). At that exact moment, tears were already forming in my eyes. I'm not sure if it's a sign or mere coincidence, but for now i shall take it as a good, no make that a wonderful sign. :) Because of the fact that just hours before, texts were being exchanged. Texts which brought a huge smile to my face.

A smile which can be felt by the heart. :))

I shall leave the story at that.

For now, let me just leave you with that song that was being played yesterday (which is currently on repeat mode).

However far away, I will always love you
However long I stay, I will always love you
Whatever words I say, I will always love you
I will always love you

♥

stronger than yesterday

"Don’t be so damn hard on yourself. Yeah, you screwed up. You’re not perfect, fine. Learn from it. But don’t punish yourself. Be kind to you, even when you screw up. You’ll bounce back eventually. You’ll make up for it."

- Stephanie Klein -

(via runawaytrain)

i know i am stronger than this.

& i pray for this heart to be strong

"I prayed,
for this heart to be unbroken.
but invincible is impossible.
So i changed my pray,
just hope Allah make this heart stronger and stronger."

- Hilal Asyraf -

(via black-pearls)

it's November.

and i have this strong feeling that i will be absolutely fine.

(that all those emotional moments the past few days are just passing thoughts, something that i have to go through & that i'll actually be ok)

insya-Allah.

:)

despite everything else.

  

(via weheartit)

"The test of love is not when we are together. 
It comes when we are not together and realize that despite the distance, 
love is still there."

chivalry cannot be dead, yet.

(via runawaytrain)

will marry the guy who thinks i'm too good for doors. 

hahahahaha.

and jars (or bottles). for i suck at opening them too.

not that i suck at opening doors, i can open them myself that's for sure.

but ohwell, just because.

hehe.

dreading the inevitable

it's october the 28th.

somehow, the anticipation of the months of november AND december is causing my heart to beat very fast. i wish it's work-related but unfortunately it's not.

memories of yesterday somehow managed to make their way back into my head again. many months have already passed. i've known the actual reasons why things happened. i'm supposed to be okay.
they say time heals all wounds. but some say it's not time, it's love. Love heals all wounds.

but please, make them go away. :'(

only you can make them go away. you & your love.

the question is,
will you?
will i?
will we?

(i shall place the full blame on miss red riding hood who is coming soon for this emotional outburst. have been feeling like wanting to cry for the past few days, but the tears have not fall. trying my best to hold everything in. so please, don't mind me.)

this feeling will tide over.

i know it will.

-----

she asked, "you really still love me?"
he said, "i never stopped."

and she walked home with tears in her eyes.
cos truth is,
though she may not say it,

she is still truly in love with him.

Pursue a path in search of knowledge, God will make easy for you a path to paradise.

"If anyone removes (one of the) anxieties of this world from a believer, God will remove (one of the) anxieties from him on the Day of Resurrection; 

if one smooths the way for one who is destitute, God will smooth the way for him in this world and the next; 

and if anyone conceals the faults of a Muslim, God will conceal his faults in this world and the next. 

God helps a man as long as he helps his brother. 

If anyone pursues a path in search of knowledge, God will thereby make easy for him a path to paradise."

(HR Muslim)

(via thebeautyofislam)

Dear Allah,

please help me in all of the above.

Thank you.

enchanted, true love's kiss

"That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person that you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that that it will go away all at the same time."

- Drew Barrymore -

(via littlemiss)

last night's kiss is still etched deeply in my memory.

and the thing with dreams, you normally either forget immediately or a few hours after waking up. but this one is different. this dream, i can still remember it vividly. 
every.single.detail. 
hee.

of trials and tribulations

(via islamic-quotes)

Do not try to run away from trials & tribulations, but endure them with patience. They cannot be avoided, and there is nothing for it but to endure them with patience. How can you expect the whole of this world, and all that has been created therein, to undergo change and transformation just to suit your convenience?

The Prophets are the best of all creatures, yet they have always had to suffer afflictions and so it is for their followers, those who tread in their footsteps as they walk along their highway, emulating their example.

- Shaykh Sayyid Abdul Qadir Jilani -

as always,

trust Allah

&

have faith.

:)

missing every little thing about you

i hate it when a song reminds you of someone.

And ALL you can think about after that,

is how much you miss that person.

(via weheartit)

but all you can do right now, 

is have faith,

that eventually,

everything will fall into place.

insya-Allah.

random saturday nonsense

(via uponafairytale)

i always do this.

i'm sure you do too. 

Haha.

of everything else

(via thesunalwayssets)

the past couple of weeks has been spent preparing for the malay language fortnight programme in my school.

not that i did anything much (compared to the rest of my cikgus, i think what i did was peanuts.. hurhur..)

tapi penatnya, mengalahkan orang lain.. to the point i had to take MC yesterday cos of migraine.. hehehe..

i'm just so lembik like that la (jgn salahkan ibu mengandung nama moyang (inside (family) joke).. hahahaha)

hence,
this (swimming pool with a view) would be absolutely awesome to have right now.

with a loved one beside me of course.. teehee..

(penat tu penat jugak, mentel still mentel jugak.. LOL!)

 next week would be the last week of school for the kids..

that, i can't wait!

have a good weekend everyberdy!

will you?

(via leilockheart)

if you think it's worth it too,

then fight it with me.

not always rainbows & butterflies

(via uponafairytale)

and i want to find that dawn, victory, rainbow & happiness,

with you, whoever you are that God has destined for me.

insya-Allah.

monday blues

(via leilockheart)

cute little boys to chase my monday blues away. :))

note-to-self: 

remember to stop wearing blue on monday. -_-

all over again

"Love? It’s kind of complicated, kid - but I’ll tell you this. The second you’re willing to make yourself miserable to make someone else happy - that’s love right there."

- A Heartbeat Away -

(via runawaytrain)

and i thought 

when you never really stop loving someone,

the love just stays the way it is.

i did not count on the fact that the love, 

can actually grow.

i can now safely say, 

you have always been the one, the only one,

who truly understands me.

non-verbal communication

via (uponafairytale)

wanna do just that when i see you.

to let you know that i miss you so.

but not sure if i would / should.

strawberry cheesecake

(via fyeahfoodcravings)

siapa nak tolong layankan?

teehee ;p

The less you reveal, the more people can wonder.

"I find the whole concept of being ‘sexy’ embarrassing and confusing. If I do an interview with photographs people desperately want to change me - dye my hair blonder, pluck my eyebrows, give me a fringe. Then there’s the choice of clothes. I know everyone wants a picture of me in a mini-skirt. But that’s not me. I feel uncomfortable. I’d never go out in a mini-skirt. It’s nothing to do with protecting the Hermione image. I wouldn’t do that. Personally, I don’t actually think it’s even that sexy. What’s sexy about saying, ‘I’m here with my boobs out and a short skirt, have a look at everything I’ve got?’ My idea of sexy is that less is more. The less you reveal the more people can wonder. 

- Emma Watson -

 

pocketful of sunshine, them.

(via accidentalsongs)

TOO CUTE (!) this pair.

they made me smile like that.

:))

nak husband mcm gini please.

not chuck bass per se, but one who sayang-sayang me like this. (*mentel mode*) teehee. ;)

(i'll) take care (of you)

(via uponafairytale)

once in a while, you want to just not think and let someone else do the thinking instead.

and you know you can trust that someone to do the thinking for you and most importantly whatever decision that is made, you know you are safe in his hands.

so, future love, say you'll take care of me.

What-if

"When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what-if’s that they forget what is. They spend so much time thinking, “What if I get hurt?” and “What if it doesn’t work out?” that they stop thinking about things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they are hoping to hear from. Never let the fear of what-if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love … because what if this is the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with?"

- unknown -

(via runawaytrain)

Friday prayers in Kazakhstan

(via lordsfavors)

i sooo cannot imagine praying in such cold, freezing weather.

brrrr..

 #gratitudefriday