melancholic rainy days

It's been a while. Realised i haven't update for the month of November when the start of this month, last year i was so scared to receive this (kinda dreaded) month of November and remember praying my heart to be strong.

But, time flies they say. And it's November again. Although right now, it doesn't feel so dreadful anymore. Alhamdulillah. :)

Time heals all wounds ya. Or love heals. I choose to say love heals. Not necessarily love from another human being, or specifically love from another half.
But knowing that Allah continues loving you, is actually enough for you to heal. Trust me.

Thank you Allah for Your mercy & Your love. Because You are the only One who doesn't disappoint. I must always remember that.

Just changed the background to suit the rainy mood these few days and probably the next month or so. I love rainy days. :) The melancholic feeling that accompanies rainy days are very very very much loved. :)

And feeling melancholic will make me blabber non-stop. Yes, like right now. Hahaha.

Which is why i need this blog. I cannot not write or in this case type. Have always had a journal even back in primary school because i need to let my feelings out even if it's just on a piece of paper (although looking back, my worries back then has become laughable now.. hehe). I cannot just keep these feelings inside me without having an outlet to vent. It's an escapism for me. Writing. Which is why I have journals for my kids (i love calling my students, kids). So that at least, they have an outlet to express themselves, away from the prying eyes of other people who just want to know what's going on but not exactly bothering or caring.

At least when my kids write, they know they have someone to respond to. Though some don't get why they need to write a journal, some actually expressed their inner deepest feelings into the journal. And i'm happy to respond to their writings. Even if i can't solve their problems, at least they feel better writing it down and sharing with someone whom they trust.

Oh well, this is what happens when i blabber. i start writing about something and end up with something totally different. hehehe.

till the next 'melancholic' entry.

toodles!

because everyone have scars

"People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don't. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut's long gone, the pain still lingers."

(via uponafairytale)

it's inevitable you know,

these scars.

it can be about anything and everything. or nothing at all.

it can be big, small, or cannot even be seen by the naked eye.

the only thing we can do is,

move on.

and let time (or love) heal the wounds.

only then we can forgive ourselves for getting ourselves wounded,

or forgive others for wounding us.

only when we can be happy on our own,

then this scar will be nothing but just a scar.

and we won't even feel the pain anymore.

after all, scars are part & parcel of life itself.

without these scars, 

to remind us of what we have gone through,

then we never exactly have grown up.

without these scars,

then maybe, we'll never learn to love ourselves better.

without these scars,

we might not even know how to love others proper.

so, thank you scars.

for teaching us about life & love itself.

we owe you one.

though you can be very painful sometimes.

i hide my pain so well, i surprise even myself when it hurts.

(via weheartit)

sometimes i wish this heart doesn't hurt easily.

but they always say - "be careful what you wish for."

i guess i should be thankful i hurt easily, cos it means i'm capable of loving that much. but it also means people are capable of hurting me as much. you can never have everything can you.

dear heart, please stop hurting. please, i ask of you.

this is only the hurt part. i have yet to start on the trust part. sigh.
i guess when i stop hurting, that's when i'll start trusting again.

as much as i'm hurting, i will fight for the promises i made. or will i be left with no more energy to fight?
i guess only time will tell.

"not all scars show,

not all wounds heal."


but that's the sad me talking.

the optimistic me will say,
"what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger."

and i have always been optimistic like that. i am made this way.
so yes, i am stronger & hopefully wiser (after turning 18 a few days ago). hehehehehe.
because after all, not only i hurt, i do hurt people too (hmmm, probably it's my karma yes for hurting people's feelings whether i realise it or not. then again, it might be another of God's test for me). 
whatever it is, it's a cycle. part & parcel of life.
so i shall be a man woman & suck it up. hehe.

and at the end of the day,
i leave it to fate & God.
He knows best. :)

and psst, wanna know a secret?
the thing is, not only my heart hurts, the head is hurting too. all because i banged my forehead into the side of the bed when i woke up this morning. and it's hurting like crazy. ouch.
oh well, the perks of being so clumsy. O.o
hurhur.

No one intends to cause pain

(via uponafairytale)

hence, the best thing to do is to manage the thing that you are in control of - in this case, your emotions - and learn to let go.

only then, insyaAllah, everything else will fall into place & you will find your peace.

Sesungguhnya, aku berbual so macam paham!!! HAHAHA! 

but i guess the least we can do is try? Afterall, no one intends to cause anyone else pain (unless they are sadistic like that) much less want pain inflicted upon themselves.

appreciate what we do have

(via weheartit)

but sometimes we have to let go to appreciate what there is to hold on to.

stronger than yesterday

"Don’t be so damn hard on yourself. Yeah, you screwed up. You’re not perfect, fine. Learn from it. But don’t punish yourself. Be kind to you, even when you screw up. You’ll bounce back eventually. You’ll make up for it."

- Stephanie Klein -

(via runawaytrain)

i know i am stronger than this.

& i pray for this heart to be strong

"I prayed,
for this heart to be unbroken.
but invincible is impossible.
So i changed my pray,
just hope Allah make this heart stronger and stronger."

- Hilal Asyraf -

(via black-pearls)

it's November.

and i have this strong feeling that i will be absolutely fine.

(that all those emotional moments the past few days are just passing thoughts, something that i have to go through & that i'll actually be ok)

insya-Allah.

:)

(i'll) take care (of you)

(via uponafairytale)

once in a while, you want to just not think and let someone else do the thinking instead.

and you know you can trust that someone to do the thinking for you and most importantly whatever decision that is made, you know you are safe in his hands.

so, future love, say you'll take care of me.

What-if

"When it comes to relationships, people are always so scared of the what-if’s that they forget what is. They spend so much time thinking, “What if I get hurt?” and “What if it doesn’t work out?” that they stop thinking about things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings cause it might be the person they are hoping to hear from. Never let the fear of what-if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love … because what if this is the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with?"

- unknown -

(via runawaytrain)

scars from a broken heart

via (leilockheart)

dreams of happiness

via (uponafairytale)

"A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. In dreams you will lose your heartaches. Whatever you wish for, you keep. Have faith in your dreams, and someday, your rainbow will come smiling through. No matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true."

 - Cinderella -

breach of trust

(via leilockheart)

i definitely deserve better.

if only people realise the hurt & pain that is affecting the person that they lie to.
the hurt & pain suffered by the person who trusts them & loves them the most.
the hurt & pain to know that the trust has been breached.
it's not easy to start trusting again.
not easy.
especially when there is this fear of getting hurt again.
:'(

behind that mask

(via uponafairytale)

my cikgu commented the other day (when i was laughing out loud),

"wah, gembira sungguh!"

and my response to that (without even the slightest pause) was,

"gembira dalam duka cikgu."

the moment i said that, i kept quiet. i was in shock myself.


and slowly,

i.started.to.believe.what.i.just.said.

experience = more wise, no?

(via leilockheart)

not sure why so emotional the past few days.

:/

patience, strength, prayer

And whatever it is I'm going through right now, i have faith that Allah knows what is best for me.

"...Bear with patience whatever befalls you...." (Qur'an 31:17)

"Be not sad, surely Allah is with us." (Qur'an 9:40)

Our Prophet (pbuh) said: "Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry upon him is wrath." [Tirmidhi]

I know He loves me, and He knows what i know not.

Dear Allah, strengthen my Imaan and let me be among whom you favour.

"Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best Disposer of affairs. So they returned with Grace and Bounty from Allah. No harm touched them; and they followed the good Pleasure of Allah. And Allah is the owner of Great Bounty." (Qur'an 3:173-174)

By leaving your affairs to Allah by depending on Him, by trusting in His promise, by being pleased with His decree, by thinking favourably of Him, and by waiting patiently for His help, you reap some of the greater fruits of faith. When you incorporate these qualities, you will be at peace concerning the future, because you will depend on Allah for everything.

Semoga hati ini tidak putus daripada menerima hidayah dan rahmat dariMu ya Allah. insyaAllah, amin.

taking chances

"I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances, and how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it."

- J.D., Scrubs -

(via ridethelights)

noteworthy

Things to take note:

1. REJECTION = God’s way of saying “Wrong Direction”.

2. You can’t let yourself fall for the same shit over and over.

3. It’s better to be alone than have somebody who is half there or doesn’t want to be there.

4. Take risks and be courageous. Don’t miss the opportunity by wallowing in past failures, current blame or future fear.

5. Don’t fall for someone who gives you pretty words and false hopes.

6. Don’t ask God to do what you want, but ask God to do what is right.

7. Never settle for anything less than you deserve!

8. It’s so much easier to give other people good advice on anything, but so hard to listen to our own.

9. Bad things happen to you to make you realize your true potential, strength, will power, and heart. Have faith and stay strong!

10. I’s AMAZING how fast happiness tracks you down when you stop looking for it. :)

11. 10 ways to love: listen, speak, give, pray, answer, share, enjoy, trust, forgive, promise.

12. One of the toughest parts in life is deciding when to give up or try harder.

13. You can’t find the right person… if you never let go of the wrong person.

14. Don’t lose heart if love seems to be arriving a little late... the BEST things come to those who wait! :)

15. Mistakes build character. Its not what you’ve done, but what you do with the pieces after you put them back together.

16. Never let your past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you’ll become.

17. Every time you see a blocked path, don’t get upset. It could just be God’s great guidance. Have faith!

18. Remember: They can keep coming around but they can’t stop you from moving on!

19. Some people can find a way in the worst of times, all because of the way they think. “Think Positive!”

20. Follow your passions, believe in karma & you won’t have to chase your dreams, they will come to you.

(via ridethelights)

one of my favourite things

(via thingssheloves)

watching water ripples.

somehow it has this calming & therapeutic effect on me.

my galaxy s phone has this 'live' wallpaper where you can tap on the screen & the water will have this 'rippling effect'. the rippling effect will also occur when the leaves fall onto the surface of the 'water'.

it keeps me calm, really.

and feeling calm is what i need right now.

Haven't Met You Yet - Michael Bublé

Because i've always love his songs.