because sometimes when i feel,

angry,
or sad,
or upset,
or anxious,
or worried,


i don't think.
i just say, or do.



i hide my pain so well, i surprise even myself when it hurts.

(via weheartit)

sometimes i wish this heart doesn't hurt easily.

but they always say - "be careful what you wish for."

i guess i should be thankful i hurt easily, cos it means i'm capable of loving that much. but it also means people are capable of hurting me as much. you can never have everything can you.

dear heart, please stop hurting. please, i ask of you.

this is only the hurt part. i have yet to start on the trust part. sigh.
i guess when i stop hurting, that's when i'll start trusting again.

as much as i'm hurting, i will fight for the promises i made. or will i be left with no more energy to fight?
i guess only time will tell.

"not all scars show,

not all wounds heal."


but that's the sad me talking.

the optimistic me will say,
"what doesn't kill you, will make you stronger."

and i have always been optimistic like that. i am made this way.
so yes, i am stronger & hopefully wiser (after turning 18 a few days ago). hehehehehe.
because after all, not only i hurt, i do hurt people too (hmmm, probably it's my karma yes for hurting people's feelings whether i realise it or not. then again, it might be another of God's test for me). 
whatever it is, it's a cycle. part & parcel of life.
so i shall be a man woman & suck it up. hehe.

and at the end of the day,
i leave it to fate & God.
He knows best. :)

and psst, wanna know a secret?
the thing is, not only my heart hurts, the head is hurting too. all because i banged my forehead into the side of the bed when i woke up this morning. and it's hurting like crazy. ouch.
oh well, the perks of being so clumsy. O.o
hurhur.

will continue to be strong

there are times like tonight,

when the tears feel like flowing,

and there's nothing i can do to stop it.

"People cry not because they're weak,

it's because they've been strong for too long."

(via weheartit)

dear Allah, please keep me strong for a while more.

please i ask of You.

dreading the inevitable

it's october the 28th.

somehow, the anticipation of the months of november AND december is causing my heart to beat very fast. i wish it's work-related but unfortunately it's not.

memories of yesterday somehow managed to make their way back into my head again. many months have already passed. i've known the actual reasons why things happened. i'm supposed to be okay.
they say time heals all wounds. but some say it's not time, it's love. Love heals all wounds.

but please, make them go away. :'(

only you can make them go away. you & your love.

the question is,
will you?
will i?
will we?

(i shall place the full blame on miss red riding hood who is coming soon for this emotional outburst. have been feeling like wanting to cry for the past few days, but the tears have not fall. trying my best to hold everything in. so please, don't mind me.)

this feeling will tide over.

i know it will.

-----

she asked, "you really still love me?"
he said, "i never stopped."

and she walked home with tears in her eyes.
cos truth is,
though she may not say it,

she is still truly in love with him.

missing every little thing about you

i hate it when a song reminds you of someone.

And ALL you can think about after that,

is how much you miss that person.

(via weheartit)

but all you can do right now, 

is have faith,

that eventually,

everything will fall into place.

insya-Allah.

breach of trust

(via leilockheart)

i definitely deserve better.

if only people realise the hurt & pain that is affecting the person that they lie to.
the hurt & pain suffered by the person who trusts them & loves them the most.
the hurt & pain to know that the trust has been breached.
it's not easy to start trusting again.
not easy.
especially when there is this fear of getting hurt again.
:'(

i'm ok not ok

(via leilockheart)

because actually, each time, i want to say...

i'm tired. or sleepy. or drained. or disappointed. or emotional. or stressed. or angry. or frustrated. or lost. or scared. or worried.

you know, whichever feeling that i happen to feel on that day. (like today for example, i wanna say i'm crushed/disappointed/hurt.)

and open up my arms for a hug.

because i love hugs. i love getting or giving hugs.

but of course, most of the time (to prevent people from running away from me thinking i'm some loony because you know they normally ask "how are you?" just for the sake of asking) i will just say,

"OK."

behind that mask

(via uponafairytale)

my cikgu commented the other day (when i was laughing out loud),

"wah, gembira sungguh!"

and my response to that (without even the slightest pause) was,

"gembira dalam duka cikgu."

the moment i said that, i kept quiet. i was in shock myself.


and slowly,

i.started.to.believe.what.i.just.said.

I am as My servant thinks I am.

Allah Almighty said:

"I am as My servant thinks I am. I am with him when he makes mention of Me. If he makes mention of Me to himself, I makes mention of him to Myself; and if he makes mention of Me in an assembly, I make mention of him in an assemble better than it. And if he draws near to Me an arm’s length, I draw near to him a fathom’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed."

 - Hadith Bukhari on the authority of Abu Hurayrah r.a. -

(via thebeautyofislam)

Forgive me ya Allah when i forget,

Forgive me when i'm careless.

Forgive me for i have not been the best Muslim.

I need You, ya Allah..
help me be the best that i can be.

:'(

la tahzan

"Be not sad, surely Allah is with us."

(Qur'an 9:40)

"So do not lose heart, and do not fall into despair; for you must gain mastery if you are true in faith." 

(Qur'an 3:139)

Dan janganlah kamu (merasa) lemah, dan jangan pula bersedih hati, sebab kamu paling tinggi (darjatnya), jika kamu orang beriman.

patience, strength, prayer

And whatever it is I'm going through right now, i have faith that Allah knows what is best for me.

"...Bear with patience whatever befalls you...." (Qur'an 31:17)

"Be not sad, surely Allah is with us." (Qur'an 9:40)

Our Prophet (pbuh) said: "Verily, if Allah loves a people, He makes them go through trials. Whoever is satisfied, for him is contentment, and whoever is angry upon him is wrath." [Tirmidhi]

I know He loves me, and He knows what i know not.

Dear Allah, strengthen my Imaan and let me be among whom you favour.

"Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best Disposer of affairs. So they returned with Grace and Bounty from Allah. No harm touched them; and they followed the good Pleasure of Allah. And Allah is the owner of Great Bounty." (Qur'an 3:173-174)

By leaving your affairs to Allah by depending on Him, by trusting in His promise, by being pleased with His decree, by thinking favourably of Him, and by waiting patiently for His help, you reap some of the greater fruits of faith. When you incorporate these qualities, you will be at peace concerning the future, because you will depend on Allah for everything.

Semoga hati ini tidak putus daripada menerima hidayah dan rahmat dariMu ya Allah. insyaAllah, amin.